New Leaf Magazine

Dr. Sandra Graves explains in this article that, "For all who grieve the death of a loved one, it is important to know that we stand together in an ever widening ring of circles. The impact of a death is like casting a stone into the water. The ripple effect of the incident has many layers and reaches far beyond what may be expected. Each circle stands alone, yet is connected to the center. The circles touch each other before they radiate outward. Each circle in our life has a different significance, both to each of us because we are unique and also because each circumstance is different."

After losing a dear one, many people are swimming in a sea of sadness, looking for help. Songwriting or “composing grief” may be another float you can grab onto until time eventually moves you to a safer place.

Susan Smith shares her interview with Zig Ziglar, author and world's most sought after motivational speaker about the death of his daughter. Ziglar says that grief is not only unavoidable but desirable because it “brings us to the point of realizing the vastness of our love,” and it “puts us in a position to trust God alone for our restoration.” Grief is “perhaps the most profound way of expressing love,” he writes. “The more we love a person we have lost, the greater our grief.”

Andy Landis explains how two sisters let God use their pain to reach out to others, “Sometimes when our hearts are hurting, God speaks to us when we cannot utter a word…” reads the back of the CD cover titled Heartaches Take Time. Sister Robin Wilton Jones and Sharon Wilton Atack know this experientially. They decided to let others know it, too, when they put together a unique heartfelt collection of songs. “God got us through a terrible time and now we want to help others. We want to help them heal,” You, too, can find hope through faith.

Dr. Lee Drake and Sherry Williams White share coping tips for the grieving family. They stress that communication is the key for a family coping with grief. It is important to be together to talk, cry or even sit in silence. At the same time, there should be respect for each member's way of handling grief. Each member of the family has a different personality and different coping styles, so it is unfair to expect everyone to grieve the same way. As funny as it may sound, each family member must grieve alone but with each other as well. Sharing your grief as a family will help you grow as a family.

Sherry Williams White shares an exercise she used with the firefighters in NYC after 911 to help them find perspective and grab on to small pieces of hope so they could cope with their losses and learn to live again. This exercise does not negate the loss but helps those who are grieving see that even in the middle of crisis - good things continue to happen to them.

Every relationship is different and the relationship between a brother and a sister can be one of the most enjoyable, complicated, complex and sometimes horrifying ones we have in our lives. Sherry Williams White shares the unique experiences and reactions to grief when a sibling dies. Learn not only what you are feeling but how to cope with your grief. You do not have to live in the shadows of your brother or sister. Nor do you have to try to fill the empty space that person left. Be gentle in your despair and let the love you shared comfort you now. Even though death comes, love never goes away.

This poem takes the reader outside themselves to sharing with others and learning how to look on the other side of pain for the joy in life.

Adapted from a Griefwork Newsletter, Sherry Williams White gives concrete measures to help a grieving individual know if they need to reach out for professional help. She also explains that making the decision to seek help is a sign of strength and demonstrates your willingness to take action and control of your grief. 

A quick overview about support groups and how you can decide if they are right for you.

Grief is a natural and normal reaction to loss. It is a physical, emotional, spiritual, social and psychological response. But for a man who is grieving, it may not feel natural or normal at all. In fact, men tend to feel lost in their grief because they aren't sure what to do or how they are supposed to feel. Aside from the socialized differences between men and women, physiologically, there are differences too. You may find great relief from gathering information about grief. Many men cope by understanding just what has happened and what they can expect to happen. Understanding the process of grief is a way you can take care of yourself and your family. Through information and knowledge you can gain a sense of control and through control, you can develop a sense of hope.

Brenda Layman tackles the age old question of grievers, "Do you ever get over it?" As she candidly explains that you don't get over it, you learn how to live through it, you learn to find hope in what seems hopeless and you grow as the struggles you face help you develop strengths. She shares some of her personal journey and plants the seeds of encouragement for all who have had a loved one die.

Dr. Sandra Graves leads you through an experiencial exercise that helps you understand the function of the emotions that accompany grief.  By understanding that these emotions have a purpose, you gain control over them and that control gives you a sense of hope.  Learn to explore the basic emotions of grief, mad, sad, glad, and scared and grow through your grief experience.

Reverend Phil Roland, group facilitator, writer and grief specialist shares his personal story about grief and guilt. He explains how we need to own our grief and our guilt in order to soothe our inner anger. 

Bob Baugher, professor, Ph D, writer and grief specialist works primarily with men who are grieving. He shares the fifteen things you should not say to grieving men and in fact to grieving individuals at large. Not only does Bob share the list, but he teaches us why these things are not helpful.

To celebrate growing older, Regina Brett once wrote the 50 lessons life taught her.

The wife of one of the 9/11 heros shares a story about how important it is to remember the little things in life, the little things that happen daily, that we take for granted. She stresses how important it is to look for those things everyday and to cherish them because we don't know how long we will have them.

Dr. Wolfelt explains his concept of helping the bereaved by companioning them in this excerpt from his book, Companioning the Bereaved: A Soulful Guide for Caregivers. He explains that companioning the bereaved is not about assessing, analyzing, fixing or resolving another's grief. Instead, it is about being totally present to the mourner, even being a temporary guardian of her soul. Learn from this overview how you can companion a grieving friend or family member with open heartedness and love.

Susan Smith editor and writer provides insight into the power of words as she encourages those who are grieving to journal. When you put things into words, you make what your are feeling and thinking real. When it is in black and white you are allowing yoruself to acknowledge the pain and that is one of the first steps toward healing.

Ten year old Michael Lewis has used his writing to help him cope with the sudden death of his 40 year old dad. He shares his stories with other kids his age to help them understand and cope with the death of a loved one. 

How do we make good things out of bad? How do we look at the world? Can there be a brighter side even in our pain? This beautiful story demonstrates how important a positive attitude is in our everyday lives. It clearly shows us that it is important to trust ourselves and the process of grief.

Life is full of all sorts of “yucky” ingredients. The many things that happen to us all contribute to who we are and who we are constantly becoming. And even in grief, something good can come out on the other side if you will just trust yourself and the process of grief. This story really makes a lot of sense about life and how it molds us into who we are.

Deb Kosmer, social worker, writer and grief specialist, shares her poetry about darkness and light for those of you who are grieving. She has put her words on paper as part of her own griefwork and shares it with you.

When grief goes to work, it can be difficult for everyone. What do you say to a fellow employee? As a supervisor, how do you know what to do with regard to work assignments and helping your employee without making them feel helpless? These and many other questions are addressed in this article by Sherry Williams White, nurse, writer and grief specialist.

When a grandchild dies, as a grandparent, you are doing all you can to help your grieving child. But, you are grieving, too. Nadine Galinsky shares insight that will help grandparents give themselves permission to grieve as she shares positive coping strategies that will help you as you travel your own grief journey.